POST OSCARS AND THIS 'N' THAT

A FEW SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO IMPROVE THE OSCARS
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1.  BRING BACK BILLY CRYSTAL AS  MASTER OF CEREMONIES

    The Oscars' show hasn't been funny since Billy Crystal was M.C.  James Russo and Anne Hathaway are nice to look at but they're not funny, period.  Last year Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin had a moment or two, but the rest of the time...they weren't funny, period.  Demographics be damned, ratings for the Oscars are dependent on the popularity of the movies and actors nominated. None of the actors nominated this year were marquee names.
And the most popular movie of the year (at the box office) was a family oriented film, TOY STORY 3, and most of audience who may have been rooting for it to take home the Oscar for best film had gone to sleep long before  that Oscar was announced.  Kids would have to wait unil morning recess to find out if their favorite pic won.

2.  RETURN TO HAVING ONLY 5 FILMS UP FOR BEST PICTURE

    10 nominated films?  Bad idea.  Stupid.  Whoever came up with it should have his Academy membership cancelled and be forced to sit thru THE  BLIND SIDE at least half a dozen times without any intermission.
If you have to have a category with more than 5 films nominated, how 'bout best foreign film and/or best documentary.  I can think of at least 3 other foreign films that were worthy of 'best' nominations and several documentaries (think JOAN RIVERS: A WORK OF ART) that missed being on the short list.

3.  GIVE OUT THE OSCARS FOR ALL MINOR CATEGORIES BEFORE THE TELECAST AND HAVE ONE PRESENTER ANNOUNCE (QUICKLY) THE WINNERS DURING THE TELECAST.
THESE WOULD INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING CATEGORIES:  COSTUME DESIGN, DOCUMENTARY SHORT SUBJECT; MAKE-UP, ORIGINAL SONG, LIVE ACTION SHORT, SOUND EDITING, SOUND MIXING AND VISUAL EFFECTS.  THIS WOULD LEAVE 15 OSCARS TO BE PRESENTED DURING THE ACTUAL TELECAST AND REDUCE THE LENGTH F THE SHOW BY AT LEAST ONE HOUR.

4.  HAVE ONE BIG MUSICAL PRODUCTION NUMBER WITH DRAG QUEENS IMPERSONATING BIGGER THAN LIFE STARS LIKE BETTE DAVIS, JOAN CRAWFORD, SUSAN HAYWARD, JUDY GARLAND, GLORIA SWANSON, GRETA  GARBO, VIVIEN LEIGH,
ELIZABETH TAYLOR (I know, I know...she's still alive).  YOU GET MY DRIFT.
and
5.  MOVE UP THE DATE OF THE OSCAR TELECAST TO MID-JANUARY SO THEY CAN COMPLETE WITH OTHER AWARD SHOWS LIKE THE GOLDEN GLOBES, SAG AND OTHER GUILDS IN THE FILM INDUSTRY.  LET ACADEMY MEMBERS VOTE ONLINE SOON AFTER THE NOMINATIONS ARE ANNOUNCED NO LATER THAN JANUARY 15.  BY THE TIME THE  OSCARS ARE GIVEN OUT (late Feb), EVERY OTHER AWARDS SHOW HAS BEEN TELECAST MAKING THE OSCARS ANTICLIMATIC AND WORST, PREDICTABLE AND BORING.

OTHER THINGS ON MY MIND
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1.  GET FUCKING CHARLIE SHEEN OUT OF MY FACE.  I CANT TURN ON  MY TV WITHOUT SEEING THIS JERK ON EVERY MAJOR NETWORK'S MORNING, AFTERNOON AND EVENING NEWS BROADCASTS, NOT TO MENTION THE LIKES OF ET, ACCESS HOLLYWOOD, 20/20 AND DATELINE NBC.  IN 9 SEASONS OF HIS LAME SITCOM, I HAVE SEEN MAYBE A TOTAL OF 10 MINUTES.  AND WHAT LITTLE I SAW WASN'T THE SLIGHTEST BIT FUNNY.  JON PRYOR LOOKS PUFFY AND DEPRESSED AND WHO IS THAT LITTLE FAT FUCK OF A KID PLAYING THEIR NEPHEW?  THE NATIONAL MEDIA SHOULD BE ASHAMED FOR GIVING SHEEN SO MUCH OF A PLATFORM AND THE VIEWING PUBLIC SHOULD BE CHASTISED FOR WATCHING HIM.   JESUS.  ENOUGH ALREADY.

2.  GET THAT FUCKING HYPOCRITE NEWT GINGRICH OUT OF MY FACE.  THIS IS THE SAME MAN WHO WHILE LEADING THE CHARGE TO IMPEACH  BILL CLINTON FOR GETTING BLOWN IN THE PRIVACY OF HIS OFFICE, WAS, IN FACT, HAVING AN ILLICIT AFFAIR WHILE MARRIED TO HIS SECOND WIFE.  HE DIVORCED HIS FIRST WIFE WHILE SHE WAS RECOVERING FROM CANCER SURGERY AND VISITED HER IN THE HOSPITAL TO DISCUSS THE TERMS OF THEIR DIVORCE.  GINGRICH SUBSEQUENTLY CONVERTED TO CATHOLICISM AFTER MARRYING HIS 3RD WIFE.

3.  EXPLAIN TO ALL THOSE REPUBLICAN CONGRESSMEN WHO VOTED TO ELIMINATE FUNDS FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD THAT BY DOING SO, THE NUMBER OF ABORTIONS WILL DRAMATICALLY INCREASE AS A RESULT.  TRY AND REASON WITH THEM AND WHEN THAT FAILS, SHOUT AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS, "GO FUCK YOURSELVES INTO OBLIVION".

HAVE A NICE DAY