UNCLE BOONMEE WHO CAN RECALL HIS PAST LIVES

  My sister Marcia and I went to the beautifully restored deco treasure AFI-Silver Theatre last Saturday night to see a new film from Thailand called UNCLE BOONMEE WHO CAN RECALL
HIS PAST LIVES (or Tante Bobby Who Cannot Recall Which Hand He Used to Wipe...) and we will remember it for a long time and for all the wrong reasons.
  Written and directed by Thai filmmaker Apichatpong Weerasethakul (try saying that quickly 5 times over), Uncle Boonmee, terminally ill, has returned to his village to die and has brought with him  a nephew and his sister-in-law to take care of his needs.  
  I knew we were in trouble when the film opens with a shot of a water buffalo tied to a tree in the forest at night that seems to go on for minutes before the animal manages to free itself and takes off into the woods followed close behind by someone chasing it.  Little did I realize at the time that the buffalo may have been Uncle Boonmee in a previous (or future) life.  
  The scene then shifts to the dinner table where Uncle Boonmee is visited by the spirit of his dead wife, very matter-of-fact like, who sits there smiling while Boonmee enquires about how things are going in the afterlife.  Then Boonmee's long missing son makes an appearance wearing what looks like a King Kong halloween outfit from a Party Inc. store.  He tells his dad that all is well with him and that he found true love in the jungle...with a monkey.  Ah, l'amour, toujours...toujours, l'amour.
  Not much else happens in the film although my favorite moment occurs when Boonmee in a previous life as a catfish is shown fucking a princess who is floating in the water near a beautiful waterfall.  I kid you not.
At this point I turned to my sister and blurted out "O-M-G".  Only moments before, I had almost
yelled, "B-O-R-I-N-G," but I was afraid sis would punch me out if I had (remembering how pissed she was the last time my cellphone rang while we were watching a performance of ANGELS IN AMERICA).  
  Not that my sister was enthralled by what she was watching.  When I wasn't yawning and close to dozing off, she was.  You could hear a pin drop in the crowded theatre.  Either everyone else had dozed off or was stunned by the visual beauty of the film.  I was stunned alright but for all the wrong reasons.
  UNCLE BOONMEE was awarded the Palme D'or at last year's Cannes Film Festival.  Tim Burton was the jury chairman and all I can say is that I wish I had smoked whatever Burton inhaled before he saw the film so I could have enjoyed it half as much as he did.  
  At the film's (merciful) conclusion,  the audience politely applauded while my sister and I raced into the lobby to see if we could get our money back.  Alas, no luck.  When I got home, I goggled the film to read some print reviews and I was astounded to find them mostly glowing and favorable.
Had I seen a different film?  Am I that jaded and cynical that I couldn't open up and embrace this quiet, lovely metaphysical story about life, death and reincarnation.
  The answer, I guess, is YES.  I can't recall being so bored by a film and soooooooo unmoved.
But that's why, I guess, that Baskin-Robbins makes over 31 different flavors of ice cream.  Something for everyone.  Here is a film that has won major international awards since it was first screened at Cannes last May and I just don't get it.  
  See it at your own risk.